|In the summer of 1980 at
the age of 40, I was fine. I would have never considered the
possibility that I had a problem and was in need of help.
I probably looked like one of the most NORMAL of "normies."
It was a typical summer weekend... We had loaded up the camper, hooked up the boat, stored the trail bikes on the bumper and my wife, three kids, 'Tuffy' the dog and I were off to the lake for another fun - filled weekend of camping, fishing and water skiing. What could be better than this? I remember standing beside the lake that night, a nice bonfire behind me, warming me even more on a beautiful summer night. My friends and neighbors were gathered around the fire with my wife and kids burning a "smore" or two. I could see the face of the full moon shinning on the sparkling water that night. It just doesn't get any better than this! But -- I felt something... something in my stomach... an ache. It didn't feel good. It went through me. It felt almost cold, like the feeling of terror. What was this? I didn't like it, whatever it was. And then came another feeling... a feeling of loneliness. I felt alone? But how could I? I very quickly started doing an inventory to try to determine why I could possible have these feelings...
That night I made a decision not to have those feelings again. I needed to do more to distract myself, I reasoned. So I threw myself more into my work, politics, community, church and family.
I wrote this with the state of mind and "ego" I was in at the time. This represents a portion of my mind set. This was who I thought I was. I was very impressed with myself.
Six months later I lay helpless in intensive care. MORE TO FOLLOW... This is what my 'Twelve Step' program looked like then...
...and I had certain characteristics of the 'Normies'
At this time I had no idea that I could possibly have a problem. I had no idea that there was such a thing as recovery, much less that there are 'Four Stages of Recovery.'
In those days I certainly didn't want to look at anything that might cause me discomfort, or that might disturb the image that I had of myself. I had no idea that I would eventually have to deal with 'The Four Broken Relationships'.
|"What we live with we learn,
and what we learn
we practice, and what we
practice, we become...
and what we become
AND almost always, I have
found, who we become
has little to do with who
we were meant to be.
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|DISCLAMER: Before you start to look at the material that I have assembled for you I want to make clear that I claim very little original authorship here. Even where I don't give credit I probably should because there are very few original words of wisdom left in recovery. I want to especially thank Terry Kellogg, whom I do believe has a lot of original stuff, John Bradshaw whom I believe has the ability to synthesize others material better that anyone I know, and I guess if we wanted to be completely accurate we should not quote the serenity prayer out of content nor without giving credit to the author. I also want to give permission to anyone to use anything on this site for the benefit of recovery as long as they do not make any more money off of it. This offer only extends to what I have the right to give.|
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